This guy is sensitive...

And he's also one of the funniest motherf#@$ers I've ever come across in my travels. I discovered him almost a year ago, but I snorted Pepsi out my nose when I saw him hosting SNL towards the end of 2005. His name is Dane Cook. He's insane. And he will make you hurt from laughing.

This pictures is just a taste of what goes on in his brain. Check out his myspace account and then download everything you can find with him in it. You won't be disappointed.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=469452

Jesus has a wicked wrist shot!

With all the attention and hullabaloo in the news about offending religious groups and the olympics, I decided to try and combine the two stories and make it more accessible for everyone. I don't know what country JC is playing for this year, but it's sure to help their medal chances. This guy LOVES the Olympic sized ice. Look at the hand/eye co-ordination!!!

Seriously, if you can't laugh at yourself, your god, or your son of your god, who can you laugh at? I think all these people getting worked up over a cartoon need to settle down and realize that there's graver issues in the world that could use the media coverage.

Here's an article about JC's recent decision to sign with a new NHL hockey team after the Olympic break. It's going to make them a serious contender for the Stanley Cup

http://www.lizardtree.com/droppings/0701/hockey.html

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

I don't know how many a statue is worth, but I'll bet it's more than a thousand - at least in this instance. Who knew JC was a lefty?

And the Grammy goes to...

Who cares? The Grammy's, Oscar's & Tony's are all antiquated award systems where rich people can slap other rich people on the back and have an excuse to drink a lot and wear ridiculous, impractical clothing. My friends and I can do that at home. I have a bottle of rye downstairs and a Star Trek uniform in my closet (I don't want to talk about it.) At least the People's Choice Awards are self-explanatory. These 'loftier' award ceremonies just baffle me.

The Grammy's were last night. They make me mad. For a variety of reasons, but the foremost being this: It's rare that the band that should win actually wins (the guys in my band will have a personal affinity with this rule of thumb). And what's rarer is that the band that should win is even nominated!!! Look at this years nominees. Coldplay & Greenday are not voted for 'Album of the Year' and yet Mariah Carey & Paul McCartney are. If it's a question of who's on the radio the most this year, then sure, nominate those two. But call it, 'Album That Was Played on the Radio Most This Year' and have done with it. If it's really, truly a question of who's creating interesting new music and challenging ideas, then the first two deserve a nomination, if not a victory. And McCartney and Carey should fight to the death. Let's pray for a double knockout.

How can you compare Rascal Flatts & U2? Well the good Grammy folks can. They're both nominated for 'Song of the Year'. They may use a few of the same chords, but the comparative criteria stops there. How can you compare Jack Johnson & Seal? They're both nominated for 'Best Male Pop Vocal Performance'. Christ, Jack Johnson has a 4 note, emotionless range that will put you to sleep, while Seal sings his ass off and emotes more than a gospel preacher. How do you lump those two together? Yes, yes, before all fifteen Jack Johnson fans get up in arms, I'm being hard on him. I don't like his music. The point I'm trying to make is, was he really one of the five greatest vocal performers this past year? I think not.

I've had it with awards shows. The only reason I'll ever care again is because someone gives me a lot of free stuff to go sit through one. Mark my words. If The Free Press is ever nominated for a Juno or a Grammy, I'll be the drunk guy hitting on Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, Rachel McAdams - or the other beautiful women at the ceremony that year.

I leave you with this parting thought. I was leafing through my latest issue of Rolling Stone magazine and they were discussing the Grammy's. They seem to share some of my venom for the puzzling adjudication process. That's evident here:


Best New Artist, 1962

Robert Goulet

Nothing against Goulet - the dude was great in Naked Gun 2 1/2 and Scrooged. But you know who else was a new artist in 1962?

Bob fucking Dylan.


Indeed.

What You Wish For

I don't know if any of you know who Guster is, but if you don't, you should. I can't remember if it was our old keys player Mike (not to be confused with our present bass player, Mick, who also plays keys) or Len that introduced me to them, but to solve the problem, let's just say I'm thankful to both.

I used to love a band called Toad the Wet Sprocket who are now defunct. I used to wonder how the hell a good band like that could just up and call it quits. But as I work with my band more and more, I understand how it might happen. Eventually, you get tired of not being housed and fed. And if you manage to house and feed yourself, well, you might want to settle down and marry and perhaps have children. This - for fertilization and then caretaking reasons - is complicated if you're away from home more than half of the year. But I digress. Toad the Wet Sprocket. Great band. I have all their records if you want to borrow one from me. In fact, I insist you borrow one from me. Great harmonies, driving guitars and an odd sense of humour. And if you mix them with the Barenaked Ladies (even GREATER harmonies, more subdued - but very catchy guitars) and an even odder sense of humour), you get Guster. Check them out. www.guster.com

They've got a fun website. There's a little hummingbird that floats around and says, "Ole!", if you catch him and click on him. I think I'd like a little Mick floating around our website and he might say, "Nuts!", if you managed to click up his nostril. But I digress.

This is a little excerpt from their 'Frequently Asked Questions' section. And its reasons like this - a sense of humour and a lack of ego - that keep good bands like this together. I hope they continue on their path to great success. They deserve it.



Q: Are you guys a Christian band?

A: Rather than answer this one with a simple yes/no, we suggest you check the following sources for clues: 1) Brian's last name -- "Rosenworcel." 2) Any photo of Ryan where you can see his profile. 3) The Guster Backstage Contract Rider, where we stipify that "the dressing room must be furnished with plenty of borscht, noodle kugels, potato latkes, gefilte fish and homemade rugulah for dessert."

Q: Do you guys name your instruments?

A: Yes

Q: You guys seem to be on the road all the time. What do the insides of your refrigerators look like?

A: Thankfully, we maintain digital fridge-cams so we can check the progress of our perishables from the bus and know what we're coming home to. Go here (www.guster.com/band/fridge) to take a peek inside Guster's personal refrigerators.

Love to be loved...

Yes, it's February and that means stupid Hallmark holiday's, over-priced flowers and two of my best friends birthdays. The birthdays I don't begrudge. Everything else can take a hike.

This isn't to say I'm anti-love. I hate when people think that you're a cold, emotionless savage because you don't like Valentine's day. I don't like being TOLD that I have to be in love on February 14th. That's all. If you've ever experienced a post-adolescent Valentine's Day on your own, you know what I'm talking about. It's excruciating, because everyone is so acutely aware of showing that they care and showing that they're in love and showing they're not alone. It's maddening.

I've been in love several times in my life now. Each one was markedly different. And I wouldn't give up any of those experiences for all the world. That doesn't mean that I don't wonder about them from time to time, though. I think it's the flipside of all the joy and laughter and warmth that came with being in love. There will always be shadows and ghosts and sensations that belong to the past and belong to those people. It doesn't hurt anymore, but it won't go away. For some of the people I thought I loved, it did go away. But for those I truly loved, little things linger. And I'm ok with that. I know I should let go of those things, but I can't. Maybe I'm not strong enough. Or maybe I'm afraid. I don't have the answer. But whatever the reason, I need to keep those things. They hurt me, comfort me, judge me, free me and help me. And they're deeply, deeply woven into a lot of my hopes and dreams. I know that must be hard for some people to understand. But it makes sense to me. That said, I'm in love again now and it's different from all the rest. As it should be. Otherwise, what's the point?

I've rediscovered the Peter Gabriel album Us. He wrote - what is for me - one of the most honest and moving songs about love and loss that's ever been written. It's so hard to go straight for the heart without being drippy or cheesy or sentimental. But he does it here. The man's a genius and if you have the record on your shelf, take an hour and re-live all the joy and pain that the music has. The record has everything that we live for.

"And in this moment, I need to be needed
When my self-esteem is sinking, I like to be liked
In this emptiness and fear, I want to be wanted
'Cause I love to be loved
I love to be loved
I love to be loved
Oh I love to be loved

This old familiar craving
I've been here before, this way of behaving
Don't know who the hell I'm saving anymore
Let it pass let it go let it leave
From the deepest place I grieve
This time I believe
And I let go
And I let go
I can let go of it
Though it takes all the strength in me
And all the world can see
I'm losing such a central part of me
I can let go of it
You know I mean it
You know that I mean it
I recognize how much I've lost
But I cannot face the cost
'Cause I love to be loved
Yes I love to be loved
I love to be loved"