And the Trilogy is Complete...

I know this is a bit like pouring water into the ocean, but I just couldn't help myself. This will be the third and final installment of my 'George Lucas is crazy' series. (At least for another 15 years until I can use a Playstation 5 to animate him myself and insert garish, cartoonish characters alongside him. I'll probably resurrect Paul Reubens to do the voice).

In all seriousness, the man has lost his marbles. He now belives he's Nostradamus and he's making bold predictions about the future of movie making. I found this interview at www.imdb.com.

Lucas: "The Blockbuster Is Dead"

Movie mogul George Lucas predicts Hollywood will soon start shifting away from mega-budget blockbusters in favor of making more independent films for less money. Alongside Steven Spielberg, Star Wars creator Lucas is cited as being chiefly responsible for the blockbuster phenomenon that has gripped the movie industry for the last three decades. But he now believes big-budget films can no longer be profitable and are going out of fashion, as evidenced by this year's Academy Award nominees, including independent movies Crash and Good Night, And Good Luck. Lucas tells the New York Daily News, "The market forces that exist today make it unrealistic to spend $200 million on a movie. Those movies can't make their money back anymore. Look at what happened with King Kong. I think it's great that the major Oscar nominations have gone to independent films. Is that good for the business? No - it's bad for the business. But movie-making isn't about business. It's about art. In the future, almost everything that gets shown in theaters will be indie movies. I predict that by 2025 the average movie will cost only $15 million."


What world does this man live in? Is he an example of a man getting a little too lost in his work? Does he believe in this Utopian society where actors - who are now commanding 10-20 million a picture - will do movies just to better themselves? A brave new world where he and his pal, James Cameron, write the gripping, dazzling dialogue their renowned for just to stay sharp? A loving, caring community where the makers of digital cameras say, "You know what? We're just making way too much money here. Let's just make our products free for anyone who wants to make 'art'."

I mean, I consider myself a positive person, but I want even a half dosage of whatever drug that man is taking. 'Movie-making isn't about business.' I see. And that's why gems like Mission Impossible 3, The Fast & the Furious: Tokyo Drift or Miami Vice (oh yes, it's coming) get made. They get made because the producers and directors are desperate to make art. Even decent films, like Pirates of the Caribbean; I'm sure they just get made because Disney wants the world to be a better place - certainly not because they're interested in money.

It's sad to see a man who gave us some great stoires become a crazed mystic. George Lucas needs to be put in his cryogenic chamber as soon as possible. Let him bother the future with his adultering toys, offensive CGI 'actors' and his idyllic notions of art. My generation's had enough and now he needs to be put out to pasture far, far away.

Powerful Allies...

Further indisputable and concrete proof that George Lucas is a raving madman. This picture will clearly show the sort of people he's lying in the proverbial bed with. No wonder he's a billionaire and owns most of North America. He cast the 'actor' who played the evil emperor Palpatine in the Star Wars films and then this 'actor' goes on to be the Pope.

Well, well, well. I can't say I'm shocked. The man is certainly cunning. However, it has to be said that Jim Jones was a cunning man, too. You'd have to be to get 913 people to drink Kool-Aid laced with cyanide. That does not rule out the fact that you may also be clinically insane.

We are living in a reign of terror. And as much as I'd like to blame George Bush and Stephen Harper (who I'm told eats babies) for the darkening skies of the world, I think we have to look elsewhere for answers. Look to MTV. Look to Myspace. Look to pop culture. These are the tools that control the ebb and flow of information (and power) in our society. In the wrong hands, the eyes and ears of an entire generation can be misled. Lucas and the Pope/Palpatine are akin to the two evil witches in the Wizard of Oz. Someone drop a house on these guys before things get out of hand.

More than meets the galaxy far, far away...

I am fucking outraged.
FUCKING.
OUTRAGED!!!

There are so few things we cling to from our childhood. Precious, fleeting memories that helped us define who we are. Your favourite neighbourhood friend. The forest where you'd play tag, hide and seek or capture the flag. And your favourite toy - the ones so precious that only you and your best friend could play with it. It was hands off for everyone else.

Well, Hasbro has gone and screwed my childhood with the help of the greedy and increasingly insane human cartoon that is George Lucas. Have a look.

Star Wars fucking transformers. What maniac thought this up? Is it cruelty? Is it another tactic by George Bush to make us forget Iraq? It's working. I guarantee you that's just Megatron painted black with a Darth Vader head and a light saber jammed in his hand. I'd like to jam it somewhere else and I don't think I need to give you a hint where. And Obi Wan Kenobi? I don't remember him wearing a cockpit on his chest. Maybe it's in the 4th re-issued, re-touched, re-written, re-edited, re-fucked collectors edition of the Star Wars double trilogy. Or maybe it's just a crock of shit. This is - quite honestly - one of the greatest abhorrations of pop culture. This is a pop culture Hiroshima.

Really. What's next. GI Joe Masters of the Universe? Care Bear Ruxpins? Cabbage Patch Barbies? Rubbish. Somebody fold George Lucas up into large piece of excrement that he's slowly been becoming himself. And then, throw him in a bag, light him on fire and leave him burning on the doorstep of Hasbro. It's win-win, really. If someone doesn't stomp that shit out, maybe it'll burn the place down.

Everyone Can Sing

I've learned this is not the case. Ok, that's not entirely true. Everyone can sing. But that doesn't mean anyone wants to listen to you. This has been crystalized for me recently by the whole Myspace phenomenon. I've been listening to a lot of music and a handful of it is great and an ocean of it is terrible. That's fine, I'm sure lots of folks will lump me in the ocean. I'm ok with that, because our music makes us happy and that's why you should do it. If it moves the masses, you can call it a career. If not, you can call it art. The jury's out on us, but maybe this weekend will give us some clarification.

You see, I'm trying to plan out my NXNE weekend. It's fucking ridiculous. Something like 400+ bands in 100 bars over 3 nights. Of which we are one. I've been listening to music and checking out band websites for the last 4 hours trying to figure out how to spend 3 evenings of my life. Here's what I've learned:

1. There’s a lot of terrible bands in this goddamned festival.
2. There’s a handful of really good bands in this goddamned festival.
3. Len's Haulage www.myspace.com/lenshaulage is a band with a terrible name, a not bad sound and the worst bio ever
4. Killthelights (a Montreal/Toronto band - not the London band of the same name) www.myspace.com/killthelightsband has fantastic photography and some interesting guitar work and a cool sound
5. Panic & The Rebel Emergency (www.panicandtherebels.com) is not at ALL what I thought they’d sound like. It's inexplicably like biting into an orange and tasting grape. I kind of dig them
6. The Waking Eyes (www.myspace.com/thewakingeyes) Five words. What's. The. Big. Fucking. Deal?
7. Robin Black and Oliver Black are not related, nor are they the same person. One is a band with a mannish looking woman and the other is a band with a very feminine looking man. I can't say for sure which is which.
8. Hello Operator (www.myspace.com/hellooperatormusic) can die. Put them on a plane, fill it with snakes, chart a lengthy flight and crash that motherfucker. They're opening for Hilary Duff on her next tour. That's great. And then they should be thrown in a mass grave with her. And someone can return their clothes to the Strokes, The White Stripes, the Hives or whatever shitty band they stole them from.
9. There is a bar in Toronto called Hooch. Who knew? To me, it conjures images of very strong, redneck liquor and very loose, redneck women. This is not entirely a bad thing.
10. The Nods (www.myspace.com/thenods) have some serious eye problems and used to be called Castrati. That's as interesting as they get.

If you're hitting NXNE, I wish you luck. I will quote Guster. "Be calm, be brave...it'll be ok." See you on the other side.