More than meets the galaxy far, far away...

I am fucking outraged.
FUCKING.
OUTRAGED!!!

There are so few things we cling to from our childhood. Precious, fleeting memories that helped us define who we are. Your favourite neighbourhood friend. The forest where you'd play tag, hide and seek or capture the flag. And your favourite toy - the ones so precious that only you and your best friend could play with it. It was hands off for everyone else.

Well, Hasbro has gone and screwed my childhood with the help of the greedy and increasingly insane human cartoon that is George Lucas. Have a look.

Star Wars fucking transformers. What maniac thought this up? Is it cruelty? Is it another tactic by George Bush to make us forget Iraq? It's working. I guarantee you that's just Megatron painted black with a Darth Vader head and a light saber jammed in his hand. I'd like to jam it somewhere else and I don't think I need to give you a hint where. And Obi Wan Kenobi? I don't remember him wearing a cockpit on his chest. Maybe it's in the 4th re-issued, re-touched, re-written, re-edited, re-fucked collectors edition of the Star Wars double trilogy. Or maybe it's just a crock of shit. This is - quite honestly - one of the greatest abhorrations of pop culture. This is a pop culture Hiroshima.

Really. What's next. GI Joe Masters of the Universe? Care Bear Ruxpins? Cabbage Patch Barbies? Rubbish. Somebody fold George Lucas up into large piece of excrement that he's slowly been becoming himself. And then, throw him in a bag, light him on fire and leave him burning on the doorstep of Hasbro. It's win-win, really. If someone doesn't stomp that shit out, maybe it'll burn the place down.