What a wonderful world...

You have to look at the world and laugh, really. With all that's happening in our world - a brand new Pope that people are griping about, Stephen Harper (the oversized weasel) lazily reading his teleprompter and using the words 'clouds' and 'scandal' and 'hepatitis c' a great deal (is he telling us something?) and women defending polygamy in BC (maybe they should talk with Harper about gay marriage, I'm sure they'd have a lot to talk about!) I read the 'headlines' on the news page of the internet. And I laugh my fucking ass off.


British motorist injured by flying frozen sausage
18/04/2005 6:50:00 PM
LONDON (AP) - A British motorist, driving home from work with his car window wound down, had his nose broken by a flying frozen sausage, an official said Monday.

The 46-year-old man was driving near his home in South Woodham Ferrers, Essex, east of London, when the sausage came through the window and hit him on the nose, a spokesman for the Essex Ambulance Service said on condition of anonymity.

"The man said he was making his way home after work and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon," the ambulance spokesman said.

"He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose."

"His nose was undoubtedly fractured and he had lost quite a lot of blood."

"It must have been an incredibly lucky, or unlucky, shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before."

Essex police said they were investigating the incident.


Wow. Welcome back. Other top stories included elephants (YES, ELEPHANTS!!!) storming into a restaurant in South Korea, Paris Hilton's fight with Nicole Ritchie (apparently they're not friends anymore) and Ryan Seacrest's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? Who the hell is Ryan Seacrest? Oh, no, wait. I remember now. He's the guy who was in a terrible television series in 1995 called Reality Check. And since then he's been dazzling audiences in such gripping roles as "Paula Abdul: The E! Hollywood True story" and "The Disco Ball: a 30 Year Presentation." Clearly a great number of people who decide what a 'star' is have found some incredibly groovy drugs and are taking very liberal use of them (can they pass some on to Stephen Harper?) How does this guy (Ryan) deserve the same honour as Marlon Brando or Johnny Carson or Clint Eastwood? Don't get me wrong, his work in the Paula Abdul project was STUNNING, but so was Elizabeth Berkley's turn in 'Showgirls'. However, she's been passed over time and time again. Clearly they're just giving stars away now and I look forward to tomorrow's news when I'm sure that the monkey that was in 'Friends' has his day. I can see him now, pressing his little paws in the cement just beside Ryan's. Who needs nitrous-oxide when the world is so full of clowns? Keep sending them in, I say!