Together Alone

It's been a bittersweet week for me. The album I've been working on with the boys for 8 months has finally come to fruition. But on my way into the studio to mix the last song, I learned that Paul Hester had taken his own life.

Who is Paul Hester many of you will ask. I'll tell you. He was the drummer of Crowded House. The wonderful, tumultuous and gifted group from Australia/New Zealand. Anyone will tell you that I prattle on and on about how Neil Finn is one of the best songwriters of our generation. But I'm learning that being a good songwriter doesn't mean a goddamned thing unless you have gifted people to take your songs above and beyond your expectations.

I need to preface this a bit so it makes more sense. 'Fight' is one of our songs. It's a song that Len & I wrote through six months of ups and downs; for us and for the band. The song started when I was in Montreal last year on Valentine's Day (by myself) and had to wait 45 minutes to catch the Metro. I was tired, cold and angry. When I found out later the delay was because someone had taken his own life a few stops away, I got angrier than I already was. I was angry that gift card & chocolate coroporations could make a person feel so alone - on an otherwise unremarkable day - that he felt the need to kill himself. I wanted to make something of his death. I wanted everyone to learn something from it. I went to a bar and sat down and drank for awhile. Yes, yes. Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away. I walked home, through the cold but lively streets of Montreal. Now, Montreal is a city of love and lust and sex and smoke. There shouldn't be sadness there. But I couldn't help thinking of all the times I'd thought of quitting: quitting life, quitting acting, quitting music, quitting writing, quitting whatever. I had to articulate it somehow. About how quitting is usually the wrong thing to do. I got home and looked in the mirror. I saw a tired, mildly-intoxicated and desperate man. I couldn't sleep until the first phrase fell out. And it did:

"These cruel reflections. The statistical abuse
Another hallmark heart that breaks and doesn't make the evening news."

And then Len took the words and lifted them to new heights with beautiful, beautiful music. And then Alex & Mick took it even further by adding their support with bass and drums and a haunting counter-melody at the songs close.

And so there I was; mixing Fight and thinking what a waste that someone as talented as Paul Hester felt the need to quit. He did for Neil Finn just what my band does for me. I bring flesh and bones to rehearsal and they add heart and soul. It sounds corny, but with the death of a talented singer/drummer and the birth of our brand new album that we worked so hard to create, I was re-invested. I refuse to allow needless deaths like this to go without cause. I want to make music to stop just this sort of thing. Everyone needs dreams, everyone needs joy and everyone needs comfort. I'm working on getting the message to everyone. I just need a little more time.


together alone
shallow and deep
holding our breath
paying death no heed
i'm still your friend
as is once
will always be
earth and sky
moon and sea