Let's not be rash here...

I hesitate to talk about this, because it's pretty un-rock and roll, but one of the things I'm committed to as a writer is telling the truth.

I found a horrible rash on my arms the other day. I don't know how it got there. The only way this would be rock and roll is if it appeared there because of some hooker in Brazil or some illicit substance in Tokyo. However, since I've been at home since Christmas, neither of these seem to be the case. I went to the doctor. I hate doctors. They never seem interested in what they're doing. And they never seem to help, yet still are able to inflict a great deal of pain. Dentists are particularly notable for this. Anyway, this is the conversation I had with the doctor.

(Enter J.D. He sits on a chair. The Doctor enters and buries her nose in a file folder.)

D: So, what can I do for you?

Me: Well, I'm kind of sick.

D: Alright.

Me: I've had this flu thing for two weeks now.

D: I see.

Me: And four days ago this horrible rash broke out.

D: I see.

Me: Any idea what would cause that?

D: Mmmm, no.

Me: I see.

D: Is that all, then?

Me: Well, I just want to avoid something like this happening again. It's quite itchy.

D: I see.

Me: Yes.

(A pause.)

Do you think it could be an allergic reaction?

D: It could be.

Me: I see.

D: Could be strawberries, shellfish - could be anything, really.

Me: Mmmhmm. Well, as I said, I was sick and it just broke out.

D: Well, it could be part of the virus as well. Hard to say.

Me: I see.

D: Anything else then?

Me: No, no, just the terrible flu and the awful rash.

D: Ok then. That was easy!

Finis


It reads like a fucking Monty Python script. It seems to me that the problem with our health system today isn't just with the lack of doctors. It's with the lack of doctors that give a shit about the patients and who actually want to be practising medicine. I would rather wait 8 hours and have an attentive, thorough doctor than wait a 1/2 hour to play out a sketch I may have seen on the Flying Circus. What are we to learn from this? Don't do something unless you love doing it. And rashes could come from anywhere. Anywhere.