A Long December...

I started a new job last week. It's why I haven't been on here in too long. I've been wrapping up work at one place to begin somewhere else. However, this new job is something I want very to do; very much so.

Soulpepper (www.soulpepper.ca) is a fairly new, but very well respected theatre company of artists who were shafted, fed up, disgusted or frustrated with other theatre companies and festivals. So, they got together and started their own thing. Only a few productions at first (because it's expensive to do a theatre show at that level - in the hundred thousands, if not low millions), but more each year. And after only 7 years as a company, they talked someone into designing, constructing and erecting a building for them. I think that speaks volumes; about their reputations for talent, hunger and attracting the best people.

Somehow I've found myself in the room with these people. In their brand new building. I'm in the first two plays of the season and they will be the first two ever performed in the space. It's a bit surreal. Construction is still happening as we rehearse the plays. It's actually a neat parallel. And I hope that both sets of construction are done on time.

I sat around on the first day and listened to the company read the play. I looked at the faces. I know who most of them are. It's a room full of Canadian theatre legends, or legends-to-be. And me. Huh.

I don't mean this to sound arrogant, because I come across that way sometimes. I don't mean to. I'm just confident in the things I do and the people I do those things with. But I know that sometimes I'm too driven and it comes across the wrong way. I don't mean it to, because I don't think that much of myself. Really. One likes to feel that their good at what they do and I do feel that way, but I looked around that room and thought,

"I am the worst actor in this room."

I was not being dramatic or pedantic or hard on myself. It was just a realization of the truth. And it's certainly not the first time it's happened, but it's the first time it's happened with such a large company (I think there's 14 of us in the show). Of course it's partly experience and education, but that can only carry you so far. These folks have all that and buckets of talent to spare. This was like a military elite forces unit. Except we sat around a table armed with pencils and words. And we prefer colour to camoflauge. Aside from that...well, anyway, it's a pretty incredible room of people.

But I wasn't upset. In fact, it was a pleasant realization. I mean, I already had the job, so it wasn't a competition. I agree with the adage that you're only as good as the people you work with. The best performances I've ever given have been because I was challenged and pushed and stretched by people that were my equals or my betters. By that token, I should be fucking dazzling in the Soulpepper shows. Don't hold me to that, but the theory is sound.

And so I smiled, in this room full of Canadian legends. And I immediately relaxed and began to enjoy myself. It's an incredible feeling to be doing something you love in an environment like that. To get paid and nurtured and cared for as you create something. To get paid and nurtured and cared for as you do something you would do for free because you can't imagine doing anything else. I go on and on about the negative I see and feel in my life, but this is the opposite. This is the best case scenario and the possibilities are endless.